Crawling
by Cosmic Castaway
Summary: Some thoughts from Bosco Faith right after the Episode of The Long Guns.


I loved this eppy. I just had to do something, I had to write something, hope I did okay on it, hope u'all like it. Don't own nothing. Don't own the Lyrics to Linkin Park's Crawling. Don't own the characters and so forth, yeah know it, hope you like ;) Oh yeah spoilers for 3rd Season's The Long Guns ;)   
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POV. Bosco  
  
I can still feel the arm wrapped around my neck, cutting off my sweet air supply. I can still see the clip falling, down to where I could kick it, falling down hard to the cement topping.   
  
They didn't listen to me. They shot him like he was nothing....as though they never knew the guy who was crying out. Killed him quickly as though he was some wild rabid animal that needed to be put down instead of a simple man crying out for help.   
  
His blood is still in my mouth. Dripping in my eyes and running down to my nostrils so I can smell it all around me.   
  
Why do I keep fucking up? Why don't I listen to anybody? Why do I have to have to learn the hard way, find out things through the worse possible scenario?   
  
When his head exploded all over me it was a big bitch slap to the face. It wasn't cause of ESU but my chance to look up to somebody.   
  
I looked up to Ma of course, she was....well....she was my Ma. But thing was, I would see these other kids, these other boys looking up to their fathers or big brothers or some male figure but me, I had no one. I wanted that more then anything; I wanted just somebody older then me so I could look up to them for guidance, instead of the other way around, like my little Bro looks up to me, Mike.   
  
"Crawling in my skin,   
These wounds they will not heal,   
Fear is how I fall,   
Confusing what is real"  
  
The beer runs down my sore scratchy throat, as I look at the Remington 6-60 lying before me propped open. It's a beautiful rifle, a pure simple deadly weapon but what a beauty....and now it's mine. At first I thought he gave me the gun cause we were cool with each other, but now as I sit here looking at it with the sense of his blood on my face still, I'm not so sure anymore.   
  
I'm so confused right now. Just one question that I would like to answer is, why do I keep picking people to admire and they turn out to be as fucked up as me?   
  
"There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface,   
Consuming, confusing, This lack of self-control I fear is never ending,   
Controlling I can't seem To find myself again,   
My walls are closing in, (Without a sense of confidence,   
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before, So insecure "  
  
  
  
POV. Faith  
  
I stand there watching him. What do I do to stop the inner turmoil ragging inside my partner's mind and body?   
  
My partner wanted somebody to look up to, somebody to guide him, to tell him what was is right from wrong.   
  
He wanted it so much, I could tell. As much as I didn't like the guy, Bosco was trying to look up to somebody, to latch onto. Only again he was pushed back hard.   
  
I only know somewhat of my partner's life, and visa versa for him of mine. Only thing is from what I know is not good, he never did have a positive male figure to look up to. No one. Not a male figure to look up to cause his father was another good-for-nothing and well, males don't want to look up to their mothers, they want a male figure so they can be just like them one day.   
  
If only Bosco had a better up bringing, knowing who to admire. If only our lives weren't so screwed up.   
  
Makes me wonder what I'm doing right now like when I'm fighting with Fred or if I'm being a hard ass, if I'm not creating something terrible out of my kids. Making them wonder who they should look up to cause they can't look to their parents.   
  
All Bosco ever wanted was somebody to look up to....like how Davis looks up to Sully. Davis had a good enough life to know who to look up to and Sully is a wonderful role model for Davis. But Bosco doesn't know any better, he would rather secure himself to a loose cannon then to somebody who gives an actual damn about people's well being.   
  
I don't know what to do. I just hope, no I pray, that Bosco finds somebody like Sullivan to look up to, cause soon I fear he will just start grasping at anyone who will take him in.   
  
"Crawling in my skin,   
These wounds they will not heal,  
Fear is how I fall,   
Confusing what is real,   
Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me,   
Distracting, reacting,   
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection,   
It's haunting, How I can't seem,   
To find myself again,   
My walls are closing in,   
(Without a sense of confidence,   
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)   
I've felt this way before,   
So insecure..."  
  
  
Finis 


End file.
